It’s Not the User Group’s Fault You Stink at Communicating (And Other Hard Truths We Learned the Fun Way)

Alright, Owner PMs and anyone who has ever been trapped in a meeting where the user group’s Pinterest dreams collide head-on with building codes, organizational standards, sustainability goals, budgets, and the ever-popular “schedule says absolutely not,” this one’s for you.

We have all been there.  The users want a rooftop terrace, exposed wood everywhere, and a space that feels like a cozy café.

Reality responds with:

“Fire code says no.”

“Facilities standards say nope.”

“Budget just laughed out loud.”

Ever had a project like that?  Yeah… thought so.

This exact tension is what Amy Holzle and Carmen Wright tackled in their COAA Connect Fall 2026 session, “It’s Not the User Group’s Fault You Stink at Communicating.” Spoiler alert: the problem usually is not what the user group wants.  It is how we are talking, or not talking, about it.

The session dug into how Owners and their design and construction partners can engage end users more effectively, support their creativity, and translate big ideas into solutions that work without blowing up the budget, schedule, or team morale.

Speak Their Language (No, Seriously)

First lesson: not all user groups communicate the same way.

Some want spreadsheets, metrics, and straight facts.  Others want stories, visuals, and a vibe check.

Your job is to figure out which one you are dealing with, and fast.

Watch their reactions.  Are they leaning in, or staring at you like you just suggested replacing their coffee with kale smoothies?  Adjust accordingly.  This is how you start adapting to your internal clients’ preferred communication styles, and suddenly problem-solving speeds up instead of stalling out.

And here is the real pro move: listen hard.

Not just to the words, but the tone, body language, and awkward pauses.  Those moments are gold.

Amy and Carmen shared a perfect example.  An end user insisted on a “tin ceiling” for his office suite.  Odd request?  Definitely.  But once the team listened beyond the words, the real goal emerged.  He wanted a space that felt warm, welcoming, and not sterile.  The solution was not tiny at all, but a stone-colored ceiling tile in the same size and from the same manufacturer as the building standard.  It delivered the feeling he wanted while staying within standards.  Win-win.

That is how you translate ideas into thoughtful, well-analyzed design responses.

Get Creative When “No” Is the Only Answer

When the answer is “no,” it does not have to feel like a brick wall.

Sure, the rooftop terrace might be off the table.  Maybe the structure cannot handle it, or accessibility rules shut it down fast.  But what is the user really asking for?  Fresh air?  A place to gather?  A mental break with a view?

That is where creativity kicks in.  Maybe it is an indoor garden nook, a lounge with great views, or an open collaborative space designed now with the door left open for a future remodel when budget and timing allow.

Even better, bring the end users into the conversation.  When they are part of the problem-solving process, they feel heard, valued, and far more open to alternatives.  This is how you reimagine existing spaces with your clients, not for them.

Think of it like a puzzle.  The pieces may not look like what they imagined, but when they come together, the solution can be even better than the original ask.

Translating Jargon into Real Talk

No one wants to be shut down with technical jargon.

Instead of saying, “That won’t work because of the existing slab condition,” try:

“I love the look you’re going for but it requires cutting or modifying the slab, which is expensive and risky.  Here is an alternative that keeps the warmth without blowing the budget or schedule.”

HGTV makes cutting into concrete slabs look like a weekend DIY project.  Reality says post-tension cables, waterproofing issues, and serious risk to cost and schedule.  Explain the why, connect it to what users care about most, and offer a smart alternative.  Suddenly, the conversation feels collaborative instead of combative.

Use Team Superpowers (And Taco Power)

Projects can get tense.  That is a given.  But humor, authenticity, and knowing when to bring in the right teammate can change everything.

Need to explain CFMs or fume hood capacity?  Bring in the expert, but make sure they speak human, not just engineer.  Sometimes the best move is leaving the conference room to look at real examples together.

And yes, sometimes breakfast tacos help.  A shared laugh or a casual moment can reset the room, build trust, and remind everyone that you are all on the same team.

One more truth bomb: if the team dynamic is off, do not ignore it.  Call it out.  Adjust roles if needed.  If someone is not connecting with the end user, moving them into a support role can save the relationship and the project.  Leveraging team strengths, including humor, is how tough challenges get resolved.

Wrap Up

So, the next time a user group drops a wish list that makes your head spin, do not default to “no.”

Instead:

• Adapt to how they communicate.
• Dig into what they really want.
• Get creative within real constraints.
• Use your team’s strengths, and a little humor, to build trust.

When you do that, those “impossible” requests start turning into productive conversations and smart solutions.

Remember, it is not about saying “no.” It is about how you say it, and what you offer instead.

Now… who is bringing the tacos?  🌮

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